Phoenix Suns's Plan
In a statement released after finalizing the trading of forward Shawn Marion and guard Marcus Banks for washed-up center Shaquille O'Neal, Phoenix Suns general manager Steve Kerr confirmed what many have suspected upon learning of this trade, which is that the Phoenix Suns are unequivocally, categorically, without a doubt tired of winning basketball games and plan to lose many more than they did before the trade.
"Without a doubt, putting together a losing formula to tank this team's season is what this trade is all about," Kerr stated. "People think it's fun to win and everything is better for a franchise when its winning, but the truth is winning gets boring and we of the Phoenix Suns were about to die of it. This way, things will be way more entertaining around the team since there's no way the team with Shaquille O'Neal will ever be able to count on a sure victory for the rest of the reason. Pretty much it's subtraction by addition."
The trade for Shaquille O'Neal is not the first time Steve Kerr has attempted to put an end to the winning ways of the Phoenix Suns, who currently have the NBA's third-best winning percentage and are the most efficient offensive team in the league. His first go at putting a worse product on the court was signing the oft-injured Grant Hill. "Oh yeah, that was a real mistake," Kerr admitted. I thought no way is this guy going to contribute, he probably won't even play in twenty games. Boy, was I wrong. Little did I know that I was signing the guy who would end up being the fifth-best offensive player on my team.
"With Shaq, though, there is no way I can go wrong and my plan will finally come to fruition. I mean, seriously, he doesn't even fit into this team at all and his presence will totally wreck the team's chemistry we had with Shawn Marion, one of the premier players in the NBA. Shaq is old, he's been in decline since his first season with the Miami Heat, he has an arthritic hip, he's not fit enough to play in our fast-paced style, and he will dominate a lot of our possessions. Let the losses start coming in baby."
O'Neal clearly understands his role and does not think it will even take that much effort by him to give Kerr and the Phoenix Suns what they want. "This is pretty much what I've been doing over the last couple of seasons. I can't even remember the last time I was productive over an extended period of time so I should help the Suns lose without a problem. My teammates just have to remember to pass me the ball like I was still in my prime and it should be rough sailing from there."
"Without a doubt, putting together a losing formula to tank this team's season is what this trade is all about," Kerr stated. "People think it's fun to win and everything is better for a franchise when its winning, but the truth is winning gets boring and we of the Phoenix Suns were about to die of it. This way, things will be way more entertaining around the team since there's no way the team with Shaquille O'Neal will ever be able to count on a sure victory for the rest of the reason. Pretty much it's subtraction by addition."
The trade for Shaquille O'Neal is not the first time Steve Kerr has attempted to put an end to the winning ways of the Phoenix Suns, who currently have the NBA's third-best winning percentage and are the most efficient offensive team in the league. His first go at putting a worse product on the court was signing the oft-injured Grant Hill. "Oh yeah, that was a real mistake," Kerr admitted. I thought no way is this guy going to contribute, he probably won't even play in twenty games. Boy, was I wrong. Little did I know that I was signing the guy who would end up being the fifth-best offensive player on my team.
"With Shaq, though, there is no way I can go wrong and my plan will finally come to fruition. I mean, seriously, he doesn't even fit into this team at all and his presence will totally wreck the team's chemistry we had with Shawn Marion, one of the premier players in the NBA. Shaq is old, he's been in decline since his first season with the Miami Heat, he has an arthritic hip, he's not fit enough to play in our fast-paced style, and he will dominate a lot of our possessions. Let the losses start coming in baby."
O'Neal clearly understands his role and does not think it will even take that much effort by him to give Kerr and the Phoenix Suns what they want. "This is pretty much what I've been doing over the last couple of seasons. I can't even remember the last time I was productive over an extended period of time so I should help the Suns lose without a problem. My teammates just have to remember to pass me the ball like I was still in my prime and it should be rough sailing from there."
Labels: Satire
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