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Just The Sports: Mike Celizic Is An Ignorant Fool

Just The Sports

Monday, April 24, 2006

Mike Celizic Is An Ignorant Fool

And he would do well not to put his ignorance on display, leaving him open to public ridicule.

I know that Kobe Bryant doesn't need any advice on how to play winning basketball.

So don't try to give him any and I can go on my merry way and not have to read the rest of your article.

All the Los Angeles Lakers needed to steal a game on Phoenix's home court was one player to take the game over. Anytime in the second half would have been fine time to do it. But instead of grabbing hold and not letting go, Kobe stood back and watched.

Yes all Kobe did was stand back and watch and launch twenty-one shots, the most of any player during the game. But to Mike's credit, Kobe did watch fourteen of his shots miss the intended target. But please don't act like Kobe didn't try. To do so is asinine.

He got his 22 points, and they were as quiet a 22 as you'll ever see. But he had just five assists and six rebounds to go with those points.

Just twenty-two points, five assists and six rebounds? You've got to be kidding me. Just twenty-two points, five assists and six rebounds? Because it is so easy to fill out a stat line in that matter that Kobe was the only player in the game to accomplish the feat. Since I am feeling generous this morning, I will even lower the criteria to twenty points, five rebounds, and five assist and see who else could accomplish this ridiculously easy task. The answer is no one.

Most damning, he took just eight free throws, as sure a sign as you can have that he wasn't taking it to the hoop.

Again with your liberal use of the word just. If you didn't already know, when you use the just, it implies that what was accomplished was not noteworthy.

Kobe tied the game-high in free throws attempted, sharing it with three of the eighteen players who played in the game.

And eight free throws is only two less than his season average of ten free throw attempts a game. You fucking idiot.

For the most part, Kobe stood around the perimeter, admiring all the fine work his teammates were doing, applauding their successes and encouraging them after their failures.

That's right. Kobe stood on the perimeter and the six rebounds he accumulated came up to him and jumped into his hands. In fact, Kobe even tried to bat the rebounds away because he in no way wanted to be productive during the game, but the rebounds kept coming back to him so finally he just said fuck it and took the rebounds for his own.

We may not have expected a triple-double, but we did expect James to be the best player on the court. So we went into Sunday, expecting Kobe to do LeBron one better.

We didn't expect Kobe to do LeBron one better. You may have expected Kobe to drop in a quadruple-double, but we live in a place called reality where we know such things will never happen.

It seemed a long shot to think the Lakers would beat the Suns, a team that shoots the ball as well as any ever has.

As well as any ever has? Your penchant for hyperbole is indeed disturbing.

The Suns are barely the best shooting team this year. The Suns only shoot better than the Miami Heat this year by .1%. As in over the course of 1,000 shots, the Suns will hit one more shot than the Heat.

True, the Suns' margin increases over the Heat when you look at effective field goal percentage (53.7% to 51.8%), but I'm sure you have never heard of effective field goal percentage so I am probably wasting my time.

Bryant is the kind of player who will lose a game to make a point.

Right. By scoring a game high twenty-two points, Kobe certainly made his point. He proved he's the best player in the Suns-Lakers series.

If Kobe wants us to believe he's really the best player in the game, he now has to prove it. He didn't get his hands dirty Sunday, didn't go inside, didn't fight for rebounds, didn't get himself to the foul line, didn't draw the defense and hand off for easy baskets by his teammates.

Oh. My. God. The worst part about those two sentences is they were not written on April Fool's Day so Mike Celizic actually believes those things are true.


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