On The Other Side Of Hate
Current Human Rights Campaign president Joe Solmonese recently said in a television interview that he would not want any former ESPN analysts, who were fired due to a poor understanding of the English language, its rules, and the exceptions to its rules, to join his organization. The Human Rights Campaign, with more than 650,000 members, is America's largest civil rights organization working to achieve gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender equality, but still has no place for someone who does not allow his subjects and verbs to agree even when talking on national television no matter whether or not he is willing to pay the basic membership fee of $35.
"I just don't think it's right when a former ESPN analyst is allowed to so cavalierly disregard proper grammar while in the employ of the Worldwide Network," Solmonese stated. "And I would not want to have to associate with such a person and it really appalls me that these people are actually allowed to live in the United States and talk amongst us with their overuse of the word 'be' as a helping verb, speaking in double negatives, pronouncing words that begin with "th" like they begin with 'd,' or words that end in 'th' like they end with an 'f.'"
"I would have no problem if they pronounced the letter 's' like it was 'th,' though," Solmonese added. "That 's' is such a tricky letter to say after all."
What Solmonese is most concerned about is that the former professional athlete improper English speakers of the country will try to recruit unsuspecting verb conjugators to their slang side. "They are very crafty in their ways," Solmonese said. "I have heard stories from some of my friends of how they would actually listen to these bastardizers of the English language on ESPN so much so that it eventually rubbed off on them and then my friends would begin to speak incorrectly, too. I just hope for a day when everyone in the country knows when to use the subjunctive and when to use the indicative."
Even knowing that his comments will draw the ire of many across the country, Solmonese still refused to apologize. "If this makes me a grammar elitist, then so be it. As long as those people stay away from me, I don't care what I'm called."
"I just don't think it's right when a former ESPN analyst is allowed to so cavalierly disregard proper grammar while in the employ of the Worldwide Network," Solmonese stated. "And I would not want to have to associate with such a person and it really appalls me that these people are actually allowed to live in the United States and talk amongst us with their overuse of the word 'be' as a helping verb, speaking in double negatives, pronouncing words that begin with "th" like they begin with 'd,' or words that end in 'th' like they end with an 'f.'"
"I would have no problem if they pronounced the letter 's' like it was 'th,' though," Solmonese added. "That 's' is such a tricky letter to say after all."
What Solmonese is most concerned about is that the former professional athlete improper English speakers of the country will try to recruit unsuspecting verb conjugators to their slang side. "They are very crafty in their ways," Solmonese said. "I have heard stories from some of my friends of how they would actually listen to these bastardizers of the English language on ESPN so much so that it eventually rubbed off on them and then my friends would begin to speak incorrectly, too. I just hope for a day when everyone in the country knows when to use the subjunctive and when to use the indicative."
Even knowing that his comments will draw the ire of many across the country, Solmonese still refused to apologize. "If this makes me a grammar elitist, then so be it. As long as those people stay away from me, I don't care what I'm called."
Labels: Satire
posted by David at
12:54 AM
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