The Source of Tom Brady's Excitement

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, who is already on the path to first-time fatherhood, is looking forward not only to watching his new child grow up and learn about life, but also to the incessant arguing, countless disagreements, and general angst that raising a child with a woman named Bridget Moynahan, whom he no longer desires to be around will bring.

"I really can't wait for the chance to argue with Bridget again," Brady stated through a press release. "When I think about what the future holds in terms of fighting with Bridget about the proper way to raise our child, working through visitation rights schedules, calculating proper child support payments, and allowing my child to experience what life is like when he is conscious of the fact his parents loathe each other, I get a warm, tingly feeling deep inside. There really is no greater blessing than an unplanned child who is able to keep two people uninterested in each other's company together for the rest of the child's life."

Brady is already preparing himself for the rows to come by watching film of the ways in which other couples fight with each other over their children. "I really want to be ready for when it happens," the press release further noted. "Since I wasn't prepared with contraceptives, I should at least be prepared for this."

Brady added: "If only Bridget had actually been a successful actress and had had a career to occupy her days without me, none of this would be happening right now."