Manning Asks For New Wide Receivers
After another overthrown pass nestled gently in the arms of an opponent leading to yet another interception for Eli Manning, he started thinking it would be a good idea if the Giants acquired 10-foot tall wide receivers.
"I don't know why we haven't thought of this before, to be honest," Manning said in a post-game interview, trying his hardest to deflect blame for his two turnovers against the Bears. "Maybe [GM] Ernie [Accorsi] is getting lazy since he is retiring next year and all, but he knows or should know that I like to overthrow even the tallest wide receivers by a good two or three feet so it only makes sense that he go and get me some taller receivers. I'm pretty sure it is his job to make the Giants better and yet he's not doing anything to make me a better quarterback. Yao Ming's at least nine feet, right? Ernie should go after him."
When told that Yao Ming was only 7'5, Manning said oh and admitted that he would probably end up overthrowing him, too, and that Ernie Accorsi should go after someone at least a couple feet taller.
New York Giants head coach is fully aware of Manning's propensity to badly overthrow his wide receivers even on the simplest pass patterns and has thought about talking to Manning about it. However, the fact the Giants do not have a legitimate back-up quarterback makes any threat to bench Manning an impotent one. The one time he did threaten to bench Eli Manning to put Jared Lorenzen into the game, he couldn't even finish the statement with a straight face. Both he and Eli Manning begin laughing uncontrollably at the thought of the "Hefty Lefty" being entrusted to run the Giants offense.
"I really have no choice but to blame our receivers for not being tall enough," Coughlin said in the same press enterview. "Since Eli is a Manning, he's pretty much impervious to any sort of harsh criticism so it can't be his fault. It has to be our receiver because Eli has 'it' and they don't have 'it' like the Mannings do."
New York Giants wide receiver, 6'5 Plaxico Burress who is Manning's most consistently overthrow wide receiver, was understandably a little hurt that Manning had said he wanted new wide receivers, but conceded that if Manning wants to have the completion percentage of at least an average NFL quarterback, he would do a lot better with 10-foot tall wide receivers.
"Before I got to the Giants, I thought I was pretty tall," Burress said. "I mean, I'm pretty much taller than every defensive back in the league and I thought I could catch any jump ball my quarterback threw. But not Eli's throws. Those are like fifteen feet in the air. To be honest, I started wondering if I was really as tall as I thought I was and I had myself re-measured just to make sure I'm 6'5. It turns out I am.
"Perhaps when those new 10-foot tall receivers talk trash about the opposing team's secondary, they won't be made to look like fools by a quarterback who can't get them the ball."
"I don't know why we haven't thought of this before, to be honest," Manning said in a post-game interview, trying his hardest to deflect blame for his two turnovers against the Bears. "Maybe [GM] Ernie [Accorsi] is getting lazy since he is retiring next year and all, but he knows or should know that I like to overthrow even the tallest wide receivers by a good two or three feet so it only makes sense that he go and get me some taller receivers. I'm pretty sure it is his job to make the Giants better and yet he's not doing anything to make me a better quarterback. Yao Ming's at least nine feet, right? Ernie should go after him."
When told that Yao Ming was only 7'5, Manning said oh and admitted that he would probably end up overthrowing him, too, and that Ernie Accorsi should go after someone at least a couple feet taller.
New York Giants head coach is fully aware of Manning's propensity to badly overthrow his wide receivers even on the simplest pass patterns and has thought about talking to Manning about it. However, the fact the Giants do not have a legitimate back-up quarterback makes any threat to bench Manning an impotent one. The one time he did threaten to bench Eli Manning to put Jared Lorenzen into the game, he couldn't even finish the statement with a straight face. Both he and Eli Manning begin laughing uncontrollably at the thought of the "Hefty Lefty" being entrusted to run the Giants offense.
"I really have no choice but to blame our receivers for not being tall enough," Coughlin said in the same press enterview. "Since Eli is a Manning, he's pretty much impervious to any sort of harsh criticism so it can't be his fault. It has to be our receiver because Eli has 'it' and they don't have 'it' like the Mannings do."
New York Giants wide receiver, 6'5 Plaxico Burress who is Manning's most consistently overthrow wide receiver, was understandably a little hurt that Manning had said he wanted new wide receivers, but conceded that if Manning wants to have the completion percentage of at least an average NFL quarterback, he would do a lot better with 10-foot tall wide receivers.
"Before I got to the Giants, I thought I was pretty tall," Burress said. "I mean, I'm pretty much taller than every defensive back in the league and I thought I could catch any jump ball my quarterback threw. But not Eli's throws. Those are like fifteen feet in the air. To be honest, I started wondering if I was really as tall as I thought I was and I had myself re-measured just to make sure I'm 6'5. It turns out I am.
"Perhaps when those new 10-foot tall receivers talk trash about the opposing team's secondary, they won't be made to look like fools by a quarterback who can't get them the ball."
Labels: Satire
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