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Just The Sports: One of Two Satire Pieces

Just The Sports

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

One of Two Satire Pieces

New York Knicks president of basketball operations and head coach Isiah Thomas sent a formal request to the NBA league office that the Knicks no longer be required to play teams that have not lost at least one star player to injury or suspension. The request was filed shortly after the Knicks suffered a 23-point loss to the Denver Nuggets, yet another full man NBA squad to add a tally mark to the Knicks' loss column.

When asked why he had chosen to further coddle his players, Thomas responded, "The numbers don't lie. We are 4-0 when we are playing an injury-depleted team and 6-17 when we are not. More importantly, I am done being a fool when it comes to running an NBA team, which I had actually planned to be my New Year's Resolution, but I see no reason not to get a head start on it."

"Plus, this is the only way I could think of to ensure myself of actually having an NBA job next year," he added. "Two birds with one stone, so to speak."

Unfortunately for Isiah Thomas and the New York Knicks, NBA commissioner David Stern did not view the request in a positive light. In fact, Stern called the proposal utterly ridiculous and one the Knicks should not have wasted time either typing up or printing out.

"When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas and when you assemble a roster with five shooting guards and no true NBA point guard, you wake up with losses," Stern further stated in a scheduled press conference. Stern was then seen high-fiving Larry Brown after he left the dais.



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