Two of Two Satire Pieces

With all of the adulation and excitement surrounding his latest passing performance, Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick is finally ready to admit the painfully obvious both to himself and the media. At the same time his most ardent supporters have pointed to his play against the Dallas Cowboys where he completed 16 of 24 pass attempts for 237 yards and four touchdowns while throwing only one interception as proof that Vick belongs as an NFL quarterback, Vick has taken his fans' reactions as proof that the complete opposite is true.

"I had always suspected I was an awful quarterback," Vick admitted. "How could I not? Here I am, an NFL veteran of six years and a starting quarterback for five of those years, but I only have a 53.8% completion percentage. What else was I supposed to think?"

"Think about this," Vick continued. "When Peyton Manning or Drew Brees complete two-thirds of their passes and throw for over 200 yards, no one makes a big deal about it. Hell, Tony Romo is only a first-year starter and no one is even mildly excited about the fact he outplayed me. So, just how bad of a quarterback must I be to receive so much praise for turning in a performance that is average for good quarterbacks?"

At the end of the post-game interview, Vick cautioned his fans against expecting a similar performance on a weekly basis since there was a zero percent chance he would ever become that consistent.