FBI Tries To Scare Americans

Fearful that the country's citizens were starting to feel too safe again and had forgotten that America is still in a war against terror, the FBI released a statement saying there could "probably possibly maybe" be a terrorist attack aimed at Columbus County Dixie Youth Baseball ballparks.

The FBI and Homeland Security Department also presented an intelligence bulletin to local authorities detailing the threat and the necessary plan of action against it.

The threat was discovered by Special Agent James Solvo when he was surfing the Internet and came across a blog written by Junius McPherson, a sixteen year old Tabor City, NC resident.

"On first glance it seemed like any other blog by a sixteen year old who thinks people actually care about his life," Solvo said. "But there was something about it that set off alarm bells in my head. When you take the third letter out of every other word in the first paragraph, you get the letters 'CC DYB.' To the untrained eye, it probably looks like gibberish, and it probably is, but here at the FBI we were certain this could mean terrorists would strike Columbus County Dixie Youth Baseball."

However, despite the hunch of numerous FBI agents, no evidence has been found to corroboroate any possible terrorist attacks. Agent Solvo remains confident, thought, in the face of zero concrete evidence.

"I still think there is a slight chance, 1% or 2%, that terrorism could occur in Columbus County, NC," Solvo stated. "Even if it doesn't happen, we shouldn't forget that terrorists are very real and could strike anywhere at any time. Anywhere."