Satire Short

O.J. Simpson, Hall of Fame NFL running back, has finally revealed the true extent of his labors to find the real perpetrators of the ghastly murders of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman, stating that he searched for the killers in 100,000 holes covering a little over 1,000 different golf courses. Simpson also noted that he began the search soon after he was acquitted in 1995 and finds it shocking that he has yet to find the killer on the 8th fairway or the 15th bunker, logical hiding places in his mouth. "For the first four or five years, I really thought I would find them," Simpson said. "Every time my caddy lifted the flag, I half expected him to turn to me and say, 'Here they are, O.J; here are the guys who killed your estranged wife and her lover.' But that never happened." While Simpson has publicly admitted he has ended the search for the killers, he has told his closest friends that he is prepared to play every golf course in the world to see that justice is done to the memory of Simpson and Goldman.