Draft Stock Satire

After hearing rumors from the so-called draft experts that Troy Smith's draft stock dropped after his abysmal performance against Florida in the BCS Championship game, quarterbacks JaMarcus Russell of LSU and Brady Quinn of Notre Dame are confident that it is only a matter of time before their own draft stocks plummet after scouts find out about two of their worst games in college.

While a true freshman, JaMarcus Russell had a terrible game against the Ole Miss Rebels where he completed only six of nineteen pass attempts and threw one interception that an Ole Miss defender returned for a touchdown. "If they are going to base my ability to perform in the NFL off a single bad game," Russell said, "then there's no way I deserve to be picked in the first round. I mean, really, to complete only 31.6% of my passes. With that sort of game on my resume, I'll be lucky if I even get drafted."

Brady Quinn had a similarly awful game as a freshman in a contest against Pittsburgh where he threw for thirty-three yards, attempting seventeen passes and only connecting on five of them. He also threw an interception. "Before I remembered that game, I was pretty confident I was worthy of a first-round selection," Brady stated. "But now I don't know. How can I do anything productive in the NFL if I can't even go through four years of college without having an off day?"

Although the two quarterbacks still feel their draft positions are tenuous, they are hoping that since both horrific games took place so many games ago that scouts will not pay that much attention to them. Also, Russell and Quinn are counting on the fact they are 6'6 and 6'4, respectively, with good arm strength to make up for their bad games and any other deficiencies they might have.