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Just The Sports: He Hate English More Than Me Do

Just The Sports

Monday, March 27, 2006

He Hate English More Than Me Do

Scoop Jackson is at it again. As if one article on the NCAA Tournament wasn't enough to prove his complete incompetence when it comes to his job, he has decided to give ESPN even more reasons to fire him.

Let's just say that when the president of one of ESPN's properties calls and says he read your column last week

When I read the first half of this sentence, I have to admit my first thought was that it had finally happened. The powers-that-be at ESPN had realized what Scoop's readers realized a long time ago. Basically, that he knows very little about sports and even less about the basic rules of English grammar. And now, he was being called up by an ESPN president to announce his services would no longer be needed. Then I read on...

and wants to watch a game with you, taking him to a college campus where you are not an alum to watch two of the biggest games of the college basketball season (unless that company president's name is R. Kelly) would be, as my nephew Patrix says, "strignorant."

Now I'm just confused. There was actually someone impressed enough with Scoop's first tournament diary to want to watch a game with him? What kind of ESPN president is this guy?

Why would R. Kelly want to go to a college campus anyway? College girls are way too old for him.

Straight ignorant -- as opposed to "calculated ignorance," which was the experience last week -- is what I tried to avoid.

And something you fail at avoiding.

"Scoop," the anonymous ESPN presidential royalty said to me after a Rose look-alike clipped the end of his Hoya de Monterrey, "don't you think Flavor Flav set black folks back 100 years with that show?"

Well, that answers that question.

Redick walks to the bench, tears. Now, I can't write most of the things people were calling J.J. at that moment, but I will say it can't be easy being the most hated basketball player in college basketball. Then someone summed him up: "He's the white Kobe."

JJ Redick is not the "white Kobe." He did not have sex with (rape?) a hotel employee in Eagle, Colorado, buy his wife a $4 million dollar ring to apologize with, and spend the rest of his season flying back and forth from court to his NBA games. The reason Redick is hated is because he plays for Duke. Just like Steve Wojciehowski before him. And Chrisitan Laettner before him. Not because he is considered by many to be a selfish ball hog.

Just as the supposed game of the night between UCLA and Gonzaga jumps off, a bet is made about Texas' LaMarcus Aldridge. "I'll bet you $50 that he'll be a top-three pick in the draft," I said after my second Ardbeg Uigeadail single malt.

Obviously, Scoop still thinks he is the only one who knows about LaMarcus Aldridge, which is sad, because it shows he has done no research between the time he wrote his last article and this one. Once again, Scoop, Aldridge is a consensus top-5 pick in the 2006 NBA draft if he declares for it.

"I'll say this," I responded. "If Marvin Williams got drafted No. 2 last year on the premise of his size and athleticism and he got no playing time, this cat is about to play himself into the same situation, if not better. Basically, he's Marvin Williams with game."

Basically, Scoop Jackson is a fucking retard. LaMarcus Aldridge is not Marvin Williams with game. Aldridge and Williams do not even play the same position. Williams is a 6'9 small forward who plays on the wing and whose entire game is predicated on driving to the basket or shooting 3-pointers. He can create his own shot. Aldridge is a 6'11 power forward who spends most of his time down on the low post. His offensive repertoire consists of turnaround jumpers from the block or hook shots. Occasionally, he will step out and hit a long jumper. He is dependent upon guards to get him the ball in good position. While they do share some of the same abilities, they are in no way interchangeable as Scoop would have you believe.

After Kenton Paulino became a hero in Texas for the night, another hero emerged in the second of what must have been two of the best at-the-same-time Sweet 16 games we've ever experienced. His name was Aaron Afflalo.

His name was/is Arron Afflalo.

It allowed me to watch Randy Foye single-handedly carry a squad that I thought belonged to Allan Ray.

Only one of these players made the AP's First Team All-American Team. You guess which one it was.

LSU's Darrel Mitchell sticks Daniel Gibson up right before the half, Tyrus Thomas -- who locked Redick down Thursday night -- is outplaying Aldridge, making that top-three-in-the-draft theory I had about Aldridge looking like it needs to wait a year ... or two.

How can one sportswriter make so many mistakes in one article and still be allowed to keep his job? Tyrus Thomas did not lock down Redick Thursday night. Garrett Temple did.

The second game, the Memphis-UCLA game, is beyond horrible. It's horr-a-able.

Scoop spelling any word phonetically is a disaster waiting to happen, as evidenced by this latest attempt. Just try to pronounce that word. I dare you.

Right about the time Cappie Pondexter of Rutgers and Tennessee's Candace Parker, the two best players in women's basketball (no disrespect to LSU's Simone Augustus and North Carolina's Ivory Latta), are about to go into battle.

Her name is Seimone Augustus. So much for not meaning any disrespect.

The phone rings. "Yo, mark this down, the 9:53 mark when ol' boy should have gave the ball up. Mark that down." Biscuit's in love/hate mode.

Yo mark this down. 10:22 PM (when I'm writing this) when Biscuit should have conjugated his verb correctly.

Forty minutes later, the university that is recognized for providing the basketball world with the biggest upset in this tournament's history had its setup upset.

A play on words in a sentence only makes you sound clever when it makes sense. Otherwise, you just sound like a dumbass.

Making Biscuit call me after Tony Soprano came out of his coma and say, "I thought last year's NCAA was great, but this one this year is the best I've ever seen."

Epics should start in medias res. Not sentences.


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