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Just The Sports: 2006-02-19

Just The Sports

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

I Hate Jay Mohr

I hate Jay Mohr. He is neither funny nor a good sports writer, yet he tries to do both for Case in point, he wrote an article about the All-Star Break where he tried to be both. And failed.

Was the NBA All-Star Game on this year? I must have missed it.

Jay, you knew the game was on. The NBA All-star Game comes on every year. I know you're trying to be funny, but you're off to a very bad start. However, I'm sure you will recover and turn this into a hilarious article. I can't wait to see where you go from this intro. It can only be up.

For years the NBA All-Star Game has been completely irrelevant.

Not too irrelevant for you to write about though, was it?

For too long the stars have embraced an all-offense and no-defense approach, and this is one of the many reasons it has become unwatchable.

It is an All-Star Game. What do you expect? The whole point of an All-Star Game is to entertain the crowd and you entertain the crowd with alley-oop dunks, not with rotating help defense. This isn't Game 7 of the NBA Finals. Defense? Come on, Jay. At least pretend like you understand what the All-Star Game is about.

The "events" that lead up to the game stink too. The slam dunk contest is a perennial snore. Even when it is won by New York Knicks rookie Nate Robinson , who at 5-foot-9 is barely tall enough to ride the log flume at your local amusement park.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. A short joke. Hilarious, Jay. You're killing me. No really, stop. I can't breathe. No wonder you got so much air time with Saturday Night Live. Oh wait.

Apparently there was some controversy in giving the dunk trophy to Lil' Nate. Not because he can fit inside it, but because he didn't deserve it.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha. Another short joke. Because one was obviously not enough. Was it, Jay?

What a thrill this must have been to the fans who slapped down hundreds of dollars of hard-earned money to watch Kevin Garnett shoot 1-for-9 and the West and East shoot (with no defense) a whopping 46 and 50 percent, respectively. Where else but in a completely insignificant game can a fan watch Shaquille O'Neal only miss two free throws? On TNT, that's where! Only on TNT, shortly after the third showing of Joe Dirt, could a true fan watch men run around in uniforms that looked like something a Latvian immigrant would wear to Sky Bar. Did you get a load of those uniforms? I thought David Stern instituted a dress code this year. It's funny to think that to sit on the bench you must be dressed "business casual," but to play in the All-Star Game you could look like a clown climbing out of a tiny car.

You know, this sounds surprisingly detailed for someone who claims to have missed the All-Star Game because he didn't know it was on. Oh, and by the way, a team shooting 50 percent from the field is pretty damn good. For anyone who was wondering, the Detroit Pistons, who at 43-9, have the best record in the NBA are shooting 50 percent from the field.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Fat Girl Not Pregnant

Adrienne Graham is sick and tired of being asked if she is pregnant. She is comfortable weighing one hundred fifty pounds while standing five feet four inches, however, she is not at all comfortable with complete strangers rubbing her stomach and asking when the baby will be due. "For the last time, no, I am not pregnant," Graham stated adamantly. "Just because my stomach bulges out in the exact same way as a pregnant woman's does not make me an expectant mother." Adrienne went on the say she is also tired of her friends asking her if she wants the rest of their food whenever they go to a restaurant.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Aikman: Favre Likely to Retire

Troy Aikman, former quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, recently opined that following a horrendous season by Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers that Favre is now likely to retire. While I agree that Favre is likely to retire, I do disagree with some of Troy Aikman's quotes from the article. So I am going to have some fun and pick and choose two of his statements and give my own idea on them.

"I'd hate to see him retire," Aikman told The Associated Press on Sunday.

I wouldn't. In fact, I would be glad to see Brett Favre retire from the NFL. Besides the fact that he is now only a shell of his former self, it would rid the NFL of one of the biggest media hogs of this football generation. More so than Terrell Owens or Chad Johnson or Keyshawn Johnson, Favre loves the attention of the media and being interviewed and giving his opinion. The only difference is whereas the media has villified the aforementioned wide receivers, the media worships the ground Favre treads upon and the air through which he throws countless interceptions.

"He's still playing at a high level, and I still believe he's one of the best quarterbacks in the league," Aikman said.

Brett Favre is not still playing at a high level. Last year, he threw a career-high 29 interceptions. Usually, a quarterback playing at a high level does not throw 29 interceptions. And although Troy Aikman still believes Favre is one of the best quarterbacks in the league, he is wrong. But don't just take my word for it. To find out just how Favre ranks against other quarterbacks in the league, I looked at the quarterback ratings of all NFL quarterbacks from the 2005 regular season. Excluding the quarterbacks who only threw a handful of passes, here are the quarterbacks who were better than Favre last year when Favre was playing at a high level. Here goes...Peyton Manning, Carson Palmer, Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Hasselbeck, Mark Bulger, Tom Brady, Jake Plummer, Trent Green, Byron Leftwich, Drew Brees, Brad Johnson, Jake Delhomme, Mark Brunell, Kurt Warner, Donovan McNabb. And I could have kept going.

Len Pasquarelli Thinks We Are Idiots

This article is an old one, but bear with me because it shows the thing that I hate most about journalists, which is the way in which they create a story instead of reporting a story. In addition to that, journalists are just lazy people who would rather beat a dead horse, or news story, than actually do work to find a new news story.

Case in point is Len Pasquarelli's article during the Pro Bowl, a game to honor the achievements of the best NFL players at their respective positions. In the article, Len reports that even though Terrell Owens is miles away, "the exiled Philadephia star is still every bit as discussed, maybe more so, in fact, than any of the pass-catchers in attendanc for the Sunday evening all-star game." He then goes on to make more ridiculous statements about how Terrell Owens' name is brought up by players on every corner of the field and that other players really, truly care about where Owens plays next year.

The whole article is disingenuous and insulting. Call me cynical, but I highly doubt players are opening up their comments to reporters by talking about Terrell Owens. The only reason Terrell Owens is even discussed is because journalists, like Len, are constantly asking players where they think Terrell will play and if they want him on their team. Journalists are the reason Terrell Owens is being discussed more than the wide receivers there. Journalists are the reason Terrell Owens monopolizes the conversations they have with NFL players.

It is like a person at a party who only talks about his work no matter who he talks to and then saying after the party how interested everyone seemed to be in his job.